


The Ace's Arrow

by twitchtipthegnawer



Series: Overwatch Oneshots [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Asexual aromantic character, F/F, First Dates, Hidden Cameras, Team Bonding, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:44:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7555297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twitchtipthegnawer/pseuds/twitchtipthegnawer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spying on your friends is totally allowed when you're all, in point of fact, varying degrees of spies. Lucio is utterly convinced of this. Besides, it's not like he's doing anything <i>bad.</i> He's helping the poor girls out, for goodness' sake. God knew they were never going to make a move if left to their own devices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ace's Arrow

Lucio loved romance movies. People often thought it was strange, when they found out he had no interest in a relationship himself, but it was the truth. There was something about getting to know two characters, then watching them compliment one another in a soul-deep way, that melted Lucio’s heart.

“I don’t get it,” Hana said one day, as they lounged on bean bag chairs in her room. More than any of the rest of them, she’d made Gibralter her home away from home, so if given the choice Lucio tended to prefer to hang out in here.

“Well,” Lucio wrinkled his brow in thought, scratched at the back of his head. “I dunno, it’s like? You think baby videos are cute, right?”

Hana squinted at him, but nodded nonetheless. Lucio nodded back twice as decisively. “But you don’t actually want a kid, you just think they’re adorable. It’s like that.”

Leaning back in her chair, away from the television playing Untamed Heart for the umpteenth time, Hana seems to consider this. “Still don’t get it,” she said. “I mean, I like real baby videos way better than a baby in a movie. Seems to me like falling in love i-r-l is more romantic than fiction.”

Suddenly Lucio’s eyes widened with realization. “Holy shit,” he said, making Hana’s head whip around to look at him with confusion. “That’s _it._ Hana, you’re a genius.”

“What?” She asked, “You decided you’re not aro after all?”

“Uh, no,” Lucio said, rolling his eyes as if it was obvious. “But I need to see a real life love story, like, stat. The internet probably doesn’t have anything real enough though. Hmm.”

Consideration took over Lucio’s face, but Hana just stared at him in exasperation. “What’re you gonna do,” she said, “play matchmaker?”

With a smile seemingly lit from within, Lucio nodded. “Exactly. Perfect, that’s perfect, Hana you’re a _genius._ ” Just to drive his point home, he hopped up and kissed the top of her head. She was still blinking in confusion when he skated out of the room, mind working double time.

He already had a few potential candidates in mind. If only it wasn’t damn hard to pick when so many people in the base had been making moony eyes at each other. Zarya and Mei were good candidates, he thought, considering that neither of them seemed to have the emotional constipation problems many other agents had.

Yes, he’d go for Zarya and Mei first. After that, maybe Phara and Mercy. Oh, this was going to be the most fun he’d had since that fantastic concert in Numbani.

~*~*~

At dinner, Lucio made the unusual choice to sit beside Zarya, instead of his usual seat near Hana and Brigitte. A pink eyebrow raised questioningly, but Zarya didn’t actually complain or anything, so Lucio made himself at home. He joined the small talk going around with all the ease he’d always had.

Halfway through Zarya clearing her second plate, Lucio tried to drop the bomb as casually as he could. “So,” he said, twirling his fork in thick spaghetti. “You and Mei. What’s up with that?”

Lemonade sprayed halfway across the table at Zarya’s spit take; ah well, at least no one had been sitting directly across from her. “ _Excuse me?_ ” She said indignantly, russian accent all raspy the way Lucio knew Mei liked.

“Aw, don’t make a big deal out of it,” Lucio said. Then he pitched his voice lower, so no one could hear him unless they really tried, and said, “For real, don’t want Mei to get too curious about what we’re saying, do you?”

As amusing as Zarya’s fish imitation was, Lucio could only handle so much stupefied gaping before he could feel himself wanting to roll his eyes. “I’m not gonna judge,” he said, trying not to sound too amused. “You know _that._ ”

After a moment where Lucio was afraid he’d have to coax her even more, Zarya nodded slowly. “Yes,” she said. “But I cannot help but wonder what prompted you to ask.”

Now Lucio couldn’t have stopped himself from rolling his eyes if his life had depended on it. “‘Cause you’re both my friends?” He offered, though Zarya looked unconvinced. Deflating slightly, he gave a sheepish grin and added, “Also, it’d be cute as hell if you got together.”

Snorting, Zarya took a huge bite of her food and chewed thoroughly before she answered. “The truth comes out,” she said darkly, and Lucio rolled his eyes again. She’d picked up the phrase from McCree sometime last week, and the outdated slang was always funny to hear.

“C’mon, don’t say you don’t want the help,” he said. By that point everyone else had disregarded Zarya’s spray of drink, chalking it up to Lucio teasing her again, and they could speak at a normal volume without having to worry about others hearing. Still, Zarya glanced around nervously before talking.

“I do want it,” she said, as if it was a huge secret she was confiding in him. “But not _here._ Mei might hear!”

“Fine,” Lucio said, placating her. “Okay, how about after dinner? We’ll have a strategy meeting. Get a battle plan in place.”

“After dinner I have to workout,” Zarya said. “How about tomorrow?” Lucio nodded, but he really, really wanted to roll his eyes one last time. He swore, Zarya couldn’t be more stereotypical if she tried.

Anyway, he had things to do in the meantime, while he waited. Lucio wasn’t a patient man; after all, it wasn’t patience that rescued entire favellas. He would be proactive, and he’d bet that he’d have this love story finished by the end of the week.

~*~*~

Mei’s room was boring by merit of being in constant flux. You’d think, with all the souvenirs she brought back from around the world, she’d have interesting decorations. But instead she seemed determined to keep herself able to leave at a moment’s notice, and most of the fun stuff was packed away.

When Lucio walked in she looked up from her laptop, set up at her bare desk that only made it more obvious how covered in stickers the laptop itself was. There was one of Zarya from when she’d been a pro athlete, somewhere in that mess. “Hello,” she said cheerily. “Do you need something?”

“Not much,” he said, as bright as she was. Zarya had required a direct approach, but Mei wasn’t quite so obvious. “I was wondering if you wanted to join me and Hana for next movie night. We haven’t picked what to watch yet, and figured you might have suggestions.”

“Hmm,” Mei turned in her swivel chair so that she was facing him as he sat on her bed. “I am not sure. Why the sudden invitation?”

Lucio shrugged, then rested his elbows on his thighs, his chin on the heels of his hands. “No reason,” he said, nonchalant to his toes. “But we were thinking of inviting Zarya too, and we both know she’d like your company better than ours.”

That got Mei’s attention, and had her leaning forward in her seat, right leg bouncing a couple of times before she stopped the nervous tic herself. “Oh?” She said, slightly higher-pitched than normal, “I don’t know about that, you and Hana are excellent friends--”

“For each other, sure,” he said, “but you and Zarya just get along so well, y’know? I figure even if you can’t come with, she’d probably like any movie you recommend.”

Mei chewed her lip, but didn’t look away from Lucio. “I’ll download something and bring my laptop,” she decided. “It’s Thursday, right?”

“Right,” said Lucio. “You got any snacks you want me to pick up?” It was nice, he thought, when plans came together as smoothly as this one seemed to.

Lips twitching upwards in a smile, Mei said, “Anything with red bean paste. Ask Hanzo, I know he has some squirreled away somewhere.” Lucio was tempted to comment, but his favorite food was still cheesy bread, so he supposed they could both be a little stereotypical at times.

“Sounds good!” He hopped up from the bed with all of his usual enthusiasm, which in turn made Mei smile wider. Boring room or no, she was good company. “Seeya later, I’ve got to tell Hana you can make it.”

“See you,” Mei replied, somewhere between bemused and excited. Lucio could feel her eyes on his back the whole way down the hall away from her room, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest. He was going to get the biggest dorks in Overwatch to stop dancing around one another, and he was going to do it so perfectly Symmetra would swoon.

~*~*~

“I just do not know,” Zarya said, her accent thicker than usual with distress. Lucio rubbed her broad back softly, and was very, very glad he wasn’t particularly concerned about his masculinity, because she absolutely dwarfed him, even hunched over as she was.

“It’ll be fine,” Lucio soothed. “I swear, she already agreed to the date. She’s going to pick out a movie and everything.”

“But I thought I was the one who was supposed to ask her out!” Zarya said, pink hair a ruffled mess from the way she’d buried her hand in it. She was working herself up into a state, and Lucio was, frankly, on the verge of laughing.

“Zarya, just think of it as a mission. Mission: Get Mei to kiss your face.” Lucio was careful to not let anything close to mocking enter his tone, even when Zarya blushed fit to match her hair.

Groaning, Zarya shook her head, as if somehow she wanted to deny how badly she _clearly_ wanted that. If this were a movie, they may have spent _years_ dancing one another as Mei was content to wait and Zarya was too scared to make a move. But what could Lucio say, he wasn’t anywhere near that patient.

“I have dedicated my life to fighting for my country,” Zarya said. “I do not exactly have much experience. She will think I am like a child!”

For a moment it really _did_ feel like they were in a movie. The sweet, more innocent than she appeared woman who was so afraid of getting hurt would not have been out of place on a set, if movies actually bothered to have female characters who weren’t straight and skinny. “There’s only three years difference,” Lucio said, at length. “And maybe it’ll go more smoothly if you bring her a present?”

Not his most subtle work, but it made some of the tension leech out of Zarya’s frown nonetheless. “A present? What could I bring? Mei is already choosing the movie.”

“I dunno. Snacks?” Lucio shrugged nonchalantly, but his grin was too self-satisfied to be entirely innocent.

Something in the tilt of Zarya’s head hinted that she knew what he was doing, but she took the bait anyway. “What kind of snacks? I know she likes traditional sweets, but where am I meant to get those?”

“Hanzo?” Lucio offered, and he was surprised when this time it was Zarya who sighed in exasperation.

“He is japanese, not chinese,” she said. And of course Lucio knew that, considering that he was far too used to people assuming that he was from any number of countries other than Brazil. The last time someone had asked if he was from Numbani, he had replied _I wish._

“Duh, but he totally has red bean buns somewhere in his room. Dude hoards food like he’s starving.” Consideration passed over Zarya’s face as he spoke, and by the time he was done she looked nothing short of determined.

“Perhaps you are right,” she said, and then she took a deep breath and shook her head as if to clear it. “Thank you for your advice, Lucio. I truly do appreciate it.”

Smiling sincerely, Lucio clapped her on the shoulder. “Glad to hear it,” he said with a smile. “Now, do you still want to hear about hockey’s rules or not?”

~*~*~

Thursday rolled around, and Lucio was so excited he couldn’t sit still. Beside him, Hana was pointedly ignoring his pacing, still pouting about the fact that he’d evidently volunteered her room for lesbian date night. She had nothing against lesbians, but she would have liked to be in on the plan if her room was going to be such a big part of it.

(Lucio telling her that hers was the only room in the place that didn’t look too boring for a date was flattering enough that she’d stopped complaining, but he knew it was only a matter of time before she started again.)

Three hours ago he’d told Mei that he and Hana had unexpectedly had some paperwork come up, and they’d be late to the party. Coincidentally, their paperwork was going to take so long to do that they would never make it. By paperwork, he of course meant spying, because it wasn’t like you could take down a branch of Vishkar corp. with good vibes alone.

Setting up the hidden camera had been so much easier than setting up the date, if only because he didn’t have to deal with any upset russians. Now, he and Hana were camped out near his computer in his room (the second best room in the base, coincidentally). They occasionally glanced at the screen, waiting for Zarya to show up, or for Mei to do something other than lounge in a beanbag chair and dick around on her computer.

So far, they didn’t have much luck, and it’d been five minutes already. Lucio himself was starting to get nervous, so he knew Zarya must be close to psyching herself out. Luckily, before another five minutes could pass and Lucio could convince himself that he needed to intervene _now,_ Zarya popped up on the monitor.

“Hello,” she said, voice tinny and slightly muffled through his speakers. “Sorry I am late.” It was nearly impossible to pick up her tone or the minutiae of body language, but Lucio didn’t think he’d misinterpreted the way Mei seemed to perk up.

“Don’t worry about it,” Mei replied, gesturing to the bean bag chair beside her. “What’ve you got there?”

Ducking her head, Zarya set the canvas bag she’d been holding beside Mei’s laptop. “Red bean mochi,” she said, sounding slightly strangled in a way that had nothing to do with shitty microphones. “Hanzo didn’t have any buns.”

“Aw, you shouldn’t have,” said Mei, warm and undeniably pleased. “Mochi’s great, thank you!”

“Get a room,” muttered Hana. Lucio laughed, startled out of the way he’d been watching the screen with so much focus he’d almost forgotten she was next to him.

“They kinda did,” he pointed out. Hana pursed her lips and visibly bit back the comment she clearly wanted to make about how they should get a room that wasn’t _hers._ Lucio appreciated the effort she was putting into not guilting him.

Together, they watched the girls settle in and fall into an awkward silence as Mei set up the movie. “This is so meta,” Hana said, referring to them watching the real-life love story while Mei and Zarya watched the fake one.

About ten minutes into the movie, Zarya and Mei’s hands bumped when they reached for mochi at the same time, but instead of pulling away their heads went up in a movement that clearly meant their eyes were meeting. Lucio could _squeal_ in delight.

By the end, the two were holding hands, and Hana was staring at Lucio, something impressed in the way she appraised him. “Could you do me next?” She asked.

Grinning so widely his cheeks were starting to hurt, Lucio nodded. Sure neither Mei nor Zarya had actually asked the other out yet, but he could tell it wouldn’t take long, and he was supremely self satisfied. Hana had been right; reality was _so_ much sweeter than fiction.

**Author's Note:**

> I promised more ZarMei, and hopefully I have delivered! Though really this fic was mostly about how much I love Lucio, sorry guys :"")
> 
> (PS for anyone who likes my non-OW works; this fic marks me breaking 200k words on my account, so I'm going to be deleting some old stuff. _Indigo Mirror_ and _The Girl_ are going to be the first to go, so if you wanna be able to reread them you might wanna download them now.)
> 
> If you liked it, please feel free to leave a comment!! And remember, requests are totally a thing I love \o/


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